My 1^st Pro Soccer Game – 9 thoughts

Saturday, I went to a Sporting KC Soccer game, my first pro soccer game, and it was fun. I grew up watching Dick Butkus, who killed ducks with an elbow shiver when he was retired. He played football. Soccer, European Football, I thought could be violent. It was different. I had to adjust though because of the following 9 things.

1. It’s always family day. Maybe it’s the venue, the vibe, but KC has a fun and safe space. Tons of families and everyone was polite. I grew up watching the Blackhawks on Maddison, and the Bears at Soldier Field. Fights could break out on the ice, on the field or in the stands. We had to stuff my little brother, Johnny the only child, under the seats during a spectator brawl in a 1976 Blackhawks game. You would weave a blanket of cuss words about the referees' grandchildren progeny. Dad would be disappointed if we didn’t yell for our team like that, just don’t tell mm. Heck, mothers are at these soccer games. I wanted to yell at Gareth Bale, a Welsh soccer player for the loathed LA, not galaxy, opponents like “Even the sheep in Cardiff aren’t scared of you.” Or “A man Bun does not make you a man.” Best I could do without offending anyone was “Your mother wears combat boots.” Which, in 1978, was pretty meaningful, not a smart fashion choice like today.
   
   
2. Flopping Players. Soccer players flop more than a school of drunken porpoises in a kiddie pool. Guys go down at the potential of a touch. They make LeBron look like Barishnikov. Not only is it annoying, but it obfuscates when guys are actually hurt. There was a head on collision that knocked both men out. That was no flop, it was real contact.
   
   
3. Refs don’t wear stripes. They wear dayglow orange. They were allowed work release from the
   KC Hank Stram Correctional Facility and had to keep their work clothes on.
   
   
4. Consistent Calls. This could be 3A, but the refereeing was not consistent. Famous Baseball umpire, Nestor Chylak, may have had a strange inside left strike zone, but it was always consistent. As a newbie, I figured I’d struggle, but when fans would notice, I felt comforted when fans were just as confused.
   
   
5. Perpetual Clock. These kids are athletes. They are constantly moving. The clock never stops, no time outs for anything. Just play until the work release team in Dayglow Orange tells you to stop. My first player I became a fan of was Logan Nbende, I called him “Cool Breeze” he was getting the ball, perpetually running, showing little emotion, just seemed to be in all the right places. Then there was #7 Johnny Russel, definitely a hockey player in soccer player clothes. He essentially beat the crap out the guy trying to take the ball from him in the offensive side corner. I need a pint with that boy, it would be fun. Finally, “Zito Hellas!” to my Greek Brother #27 Tzonis.
   
   
   
6. We lost our goalie because of a cheap shot. A lot of hockey references here, like shouldn’t that area by the goal be like the crease, and shouldn’t we have had a benches clearing brawl with blood in the soil, and it’s soccer. Everyone was way too polite. Then, like hockey, the put the new goalie and isolate him, poor guy never had a chance.
   
   
7. Yellow Card System. Not sure what constitutes a yellow card, but I like it! It’s “You’ve been a bad, bad, boy card, and we are going to call your mother right now!” Then they get a card for being a total dork too often and get thrown out. YES! I think a 5-minute time-out for the player…in a penalty box without a replacement could amp scoring too. Also, Substitutes wear ugly tank tops to remind everyone they are not good enough to start. That seemed kind of mean spirited to me.
   
   
8. Offsides. Finally, thank you Matt, somebody explained offsides. I actually watched the side ump in relation to the ball. I understood offsides, like icing, it helped. Still would have liked a blue line but I get it now.
   
   
   
9. The People! Everyone I came across was super, super nice. The young ladies that sold me my t-shirt, scarf and soccer ball were great. I now am building KC Sporting nook in my basement. I just need autographs on the ball to go with my Bears, Blackhawks and yes, Hank Stram era signed memorabilia.