King John Story 1: Interweb Sex & Dad

King John, Queen Maria and me circa 1993

Dad's first job as a consultant was at the Soldier Field Renovation. It was a privilege to work around dad, but he struggled with the barriers to efficiency set up by the digital age that modern construction had created. We often drove into work together and had several fun conversations, but the one that left the most indelible mark was the following:

Dad worked in a typical job-site work trailer. The trailer was lit by 4 foot fluorescent tubes that were so stark and harsh, they made Gestapo interrogation lighting seem like Revlon cosmetic mood lighting. Dad occupied one end of the trailer that was about 25% of the space. The middle part of the trailer contained a white, plastic 8 foot conference table that sat on top of a floor with the crappiest stark white, with vomit gray specks vinyl tile. There was one standard issue beige, not quite tan, metal desk. The other 25% of the trailer belonged to the Project Manager Jim.

A 5'11", dark haired, mid 30s, with a slight Texas drawl Project Manager Jim ruled the world according to him. Jim was a typical ironworker, hard talking, confrontational and always talking down to everyone, as if they could have any knowledge that could match his mastery of eight grade math and social studies. His sobriety is what set him apart from the other ironworkers, though, and he took care of his team.

  On a sizzling July Tuesday morning, the interweb had finally arrived at the trailer. In 2002, internet arrival was a big deal like the Shriner Circus had come to town. Communication with the outside world could commence. By afternoon, PM Jim had assembled his team to show them how the internet worked. Dad didn't go over right away to the wonderful interweb, because he was about 25-35 years older, plus, when he was in the field, the engineers didn't always hangout with the field guys. PM Jim hailed dad though "John, get over here now. We have the internet. I need to show you how we connect." So, dad ambled to the middle of the trailer and as he drew near, he saw a half dozen burly men staring at the screen. Dad was disgusted and waited until we were in the car to relate the following:

Dad: "Do you know you can get porn on the internet for free?"
Jim: (Concealing laughter, with a straight face) "No, really? How did you find out?"
Dad: "Well, we finally got internet in the trailer."
Jim: "I heard."
Dad: "PM Jim called me over to join the guys and they were looking at porn. It was disgusting..."
Jim: "Disgusting?"
Dad: "Yeah, it was a donkey and a woman and....."
Jim: "Don't worry dad. I've heard about that stuff and Fredo showed that stuff in The Godfather"
Dad: "Oh, I didn't know. I like my sex normal, you know, missionary style."
Jim: "Dad! I know your wife, stop!"
We barely spoke the test of the way.