Paris impressions – Section A

Our European Trip + 96 Random Thoughts – Part 2

Paris impressions – Section A

1.     People are nice. “Sooosie Sooosie Soooososie you dumb American” with a scowl and a spit was what I expected the average Parisian would be like. Fortunately, I have been brought up to keep an open mind and what I found was a warm, friendly and oft-smiling people. Laughter was heard on every block. A simple “bonjour” in my wife’s high school French triggered an understanding and helpfulness, check that, an eagerness to help no matter where we were. Everywhere we went, except for the fighting lesbian bistro owners, people were happy to help and laugh. Maybe that's why the French still like Jerry Lewis, simple pratfalls and the contagiousness of laughter. The pace of life is one in where a person must stop, observe, laugh and experience every moment. They love when you attempt speaking French. I used to think ‘merci’ meant ‘thank you’. I was wrong. Merci means a cab driver can keep the change. That language lesson cost me about 20€.

Adelle takes us for a ride! We could stand up the whole time! Our first Parisian :)

2.     Things are expensive. The reason the French government subsidizes the people is because the French can't afford France. Citizenry are given vouchers to restaurants and cafes because they couldn't afford to stay open with such prices (I didn't make this up, I'm not that good.). Paris is a tourist city with lots of visiting Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese and any other Asian nations people that rhyme with cheese. They seemingly have an infinite amount of cash. For the rest of us, a cappuccino is an expensive 8.50€ which is $12.73. Perrier is $5 a bottle and they fizz it right there. I saw multiple 67,000€ watches, and these dudes don't flinch. So just be forewarned and remember rule 1, it's worth every euro or franc, the French were a blast.

Seamus enjoys breakfast for a million franc...it was slightly less.

3.     Evenings are a touch formal. Khakis and a white shirt is low on the acceptable dress code. You can wear down filled hi-tops that are black, or a neon color, with nice clothes because that actually drops you down below the jeans line. It also makes you German. That being said, an evening in Paris must be a stylish one. Armani suits, custom tailored shirts and French cuffs with a woman or man up to 30 years your junior. Every outfit is perfectly tailored and many men wore no socks. Since I haven’t worn socks since 1980, I realize I have been Parisian all this time and didn't know it. I could get used to the look, but there is no way I can wear a scarf. Even in subzero weather it's like I'm allergic. Men shouldn't wear scarves with a sport coat, even if your name is Pierre or Fabio. Just no.
 

4.     French women are beautiful. Everything about them is soft and less than a size 6. Actually, everyone in Paris is skinny. I think they were nice to me because they were concerned I might sit on them and squash them into truffle oil. Back to the point, they can absolutely rock a skirt. Regardless of the length, pencil or pleated, skirt length was always just right. Young, old, in between, confused age, it didn't matter. I realized mademoiselles must have a class on this in third grade thru high school. Parisian women are confidently Franco fashion forward. Sophisticated, sexy, done to perfection. If a woman shows cleavage then Madame Chic won't show leg or vice-versa. Undergarments do not support but are really sexy (please, gravity is a law of nature, observing nature is unavoidable). I can't remember ever thinking soft and sexy but I have an idea now. Underwear serves no other purpose but to tease, and there must have been three lingerie stores per block. It was just goofy and impossible not to notice, plus I'm a guy, as if I would miss those window displays. This is why I have a cadre of friends who still pine for Catherine Deneuve.

Helmut Newton took this picture of guess who, but that is like every Parisian woman only different. I wish I took this picture, I also want to stay married so maybe not.

5.     Perfume is everywhere, so is BO and cigarettes. A guy was even perfuming a furniture store. He was squeezing the little gold, bulbous air pump from the short crystal bottle as perfume spritzed all over a nice distressed, tan, leather sofa. Maybe somebody farted in the distressed, tan, leather sofa, but it was fascinating to watch. Deodorant is not an item that is imported to France. In 17 seconds your olfactory senses were attacked by a smelly man, smoking a pack of Lucky Strikes, bathed in Channel #4. Then a quick respite, lingerie store, smelly woman, smoking a pack of Lucky Strikes, bathed in Channel #5.

6.     Ashtrays in restaurants! How retro. When was the last time you saw a real, amber glass octagon ashtray with four indentations for cigarettes? Totally forgot what that was like, and frankly, I don’t miss the smoking in restaurants. 

7.     Paris is all about looking good and the artsy. There is a sophistication to Paris that I have not seen in any other big city. The closest city like Paris in America is San Francisco. Art is at every turn. A statue here, a hot club jazz band there, a bunch of people painting and thankfully, no mimes. Even the street people had a Benetton green, white and blue striped sweater with a snappy pair of designer jeans.

8.     Paris is expensive...again. Paris IS fun but for crying out loud, does every meal have to start at 50€? Oui! 

Our 60 Euro Breakfast Buffet....Sacre Blu!

 9.     Awesome walking city, the best in the world. Simply the best big city for walking anywhere. Plus, you sure as hell aren't going to drive on the streets. Pure chaos at a green light would not begin to explain the pandemonium at any corner. The good thing is that it is near impossible not to find something of interest. The eco-cabana on the Seine the lock bridge, the Arc Du Collosus at the Louvre  It should also be noted that Paris is the only city that wasn't bombed in World War II. The scars are seen in every European city except Paris. Walking, we would see the Obelisk, the cannon made of the 300 Cannons from the battle of Osterriech with Napoleon as a Roman Emperor on top. We walked 17 miles in one day (Lex is still kind of pissed). 

A Chinese artist. Had a bunch of cool sculptures.

The Lock Bridge...See our lock?

The Cannon Monument

The Obelisk...I like saying that word, Ahhhhhh Behhhh Lissssssssk.

It is the land of the perpetual post card.

The Arc De Triomphe

•  10.  Days start at 11 and go till whenever they feel like quitting. Dinner is typically at 8 and be prepared for a scrumptious meal to last 2 hours at a minimum. It takes some getting used to! I mean 8pm is when NCIS starts back home.